The strategy of debate and communication requires a subtle distinction beyond research and communication style. I’ve spent my whole life as a trial lawyer and as such, have spent a lot of time trying to persuade a jury or discuss issues with opposing council or a judge, so communication has been a key factor in the work that I’ve done. I’ve raised a few kids, and although I don’t know that I ever really communicated well with them, still I tried. That possibly is the premier test for communication.

There are some aspects of debate or argument that are unique and might appear to be counterproductive to success in this type of contest.

There’s a story about two kids who had one orange between them and they argued about who should get the orange. Eventually they compromised and cut it in half.  Each took their half home. When the first kid got home he peeled his part of the orange and ate the meat inside. The other one got home, peeled it, threw the meat away, and ground up the peeling for a cake he was making.

The bottom line is that both of them could have acquired 100% of what they wanted if they would have just listened to what the other one was trying to say. The same thing is true with almost any kind of communication – whether it’s friendly, a debate, or a negotiation. If you listen carefully, several things happen…

One is that the other side has a tendency to relax because they see you’re honoring what they’re saying and they’re more likely to listen to you. Or at least not be thinking up the next thing they’re going to say, while you’re talking.

Secondly, you find out you agree with some of the things they’re saying! Or they may give you information you didn’t have before which supplies you with a more sophisticated argument.  When you do that, it’s not just the right thing to do, it’s a strategy.

They’re much more likely to listen and be receptive to your points and you’re much more likely to understand the true nature of the debate if you listen.

I see this in politics a lot and one of the things I’ve noticed is that both sides have a tendency to throw cliches at one another. They don’t even have logic use as ammunition, they’re just throwing out their memorized lines and then they wait impatiently for you to get through with your response so they can throw out some more. Unfortunately, you may be committing the same sin by responding by your cliches. So no one wins and no one is the wiser.

So my recommendation in communication is the simple act of listening.